Blogindlæg af Lars Muhl fra d. 28. marts 2017

Jeg kunne se dem i bakspejlet, da jeg svingede bilen ud på grusvejen. Helle og Peter, stående på gårdspladsen, storsmilende og vinkende. Samtidig baksede jeg den cd, som Peter netop havde foræret mig, ind i bilens cd-afspiller.

Som når et lyn slår uventet ned: den første ansats, den første frase, en inderlig, intens kalden, en uforbeholden hyldest og overgivelse til livet, hvor fragilt dette end måtte forekomme, fra et sted så dybt, som man kun oplever det hos mennesker, der netop har gået gennem helvede. En vertikal søjle af lyd og lys. Det er den eneste forklaring, jeg umiddelbart kan give på det chok, jeg oplevede, da lyden af Peters klarinet fyldte bilen. Et øjeblik var det, som var jeg et insekt, der blev spiddet på en knappenål. Den trængte uden tøven direkte ind i hjertekulen, for så et øjeblik efter at blive trukket tilbage igen. Det var som at blive vækket af en søvn. Jeg var mærket – men lysvågen.

Resten af vejen hjem fra Kloster måtte jeg konstatere, at hvert eneste stykke på cd’en udtrykte Peters inderste sjæl med en sådan intensitet og kærlighed, at det var umuligt ikke at blive berørt og bevæget. Det stod så lysende klart, at denne musik på en eller anden måde var ment som en måske sidste hilsen fra en mester til den verden, han elskede, men hvert øjeblik var klar til at forlade. Det var lyden af et helt livs arbejde med sig selv, som nu havde resulteret i denne vitale og – trods en allestedsnærværende melankoli – livsbekræftende musik. Musikken var som en blomst, der bryder gennem den hårdeste jern-armerede beton, dommen, som lægerne havde fældet over Peter for to år siden, hvor de havde givet ham 14 dage tilbage at leve i, på grund af en akut leukæmi.

Jeg kunne ikke lade være med at tænke på, at Peters seneste bog ‘I Mesterlære’ på en eller anden måde var en forudsigelse af det mesterskab, som Peter helt tydeligt var godt på vej til at erobre. Et mesterskab, som ikke er almindeligt kendt, endsige anerkendt. For, som han selv havde sagt det: ‘Først anstrenger vi os for at lære teknikken. Når dette, måske, er en realitet, bedes vi til vor store overraskelse om at glemme det tillærte og at overgive os til det, som er større end os, og som nu ønsker at udtrykke sig gennem os. Det er, når al vor stræben og møjsommelige bakserier med tilværelsen har udspillet deres rolle, at vi sættes på den afgørende prøve: Er vi rede til at acceptere personlighedens opløsning, og at overlade dens plads til det evige?’

Jeg talte med Peter for to dage siden i telefonen. Han var svag, men til stede. ‘Jeg forstår nu, at alt det, mit mentale jeg udtrykte i den bog, var for kantet. Jeg forstår nu, at det kun er gennem hjertet, at vi mennesker kan se og handle klart’, sagde han med svag stemme. Han jokede med, at den proces, han befandt sig midt i, var afviklingen af ‘den store uregerlige Bastian’. ‘Jeg er klar til at tage af sted. Vi ses’, sagde han, inden vi lagde på.

I de to sidste år af Peters liv, opnåede han det mesterskab, som så mange har skrevet om, men som kun den, der har modet til at gå gennem helvede, uden at miste lyset, kan begribe. Det lykkedes som sagt for Peter. Men han var aldrig alene. Peters hustru, Helle, var med ham hele vejen. Under en af vore samtaler sagde han: ‘Uden hende, kunne dette slet ikke lade sig gøre. Hun har vist mig, hvad sand kærlighed er’.

Se videoer med Peter Bastian på Cosmoporta.net

Peter Bastian i samtale med Lars Muhl
Peter Bastians nye cd ‘Bastians Ballader’
Peter Bastian om livet
Peter Bastian om lyd og klang

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